Insight 4: Animal Messengers
It is the most joyous feeling when a hummingbird flies up to you and looks you right in the eye. This beautifully vibrant being stops me in my tracks from the business of life — to admire, respect, and appreciate the beauty and wonder right in front of me.
Animal Messengers —
It is the most joyous feeling when a hummingbird flies up to you and looks you right in the eye.
This beautifully vibrant being stops me in my tracks from the busyness of life — to admire, respect, and appreciate the beauty and wonder right in front of me.
As if to say, “Are you paying attention?”
“Are you noticing the beauty around you?”
Currently it is Spring time, and three busy wasps are building their nests on my patio. At first I tried to knock them down, afraid that I may be stung, but they’ve returned — firm and confident in their choice of nesting location.
I admire their hustle. It’s as if they pick up on my day-to-day too, focused and busy as a bee building the life I want to live.
The concept of animal messengers is something I’ve learned from my mother. She first read about this message system in Native American texts, then she began to notice it in her day-to-day. Animals would appear to her: on our hikes, while working in the garden, alongside the road while driving...she would relay these encounters to me and then I started to notice them too.
Ancient wisdom tends to do this — show up in various forms. The animals had likely been appearing to us all along but now we were aware and noticing.
When I lived in Santa Fe, I began to feel a different kind of connection to the Earth, or Pachamama, as I sometimes like to call her.
I learned of the “Earth Mother” goddess, Pachamama, during my yoga training. In Spanish, the term can also be understood as “Mother Earth” and I have been told her origin is with the indigenous people of the Andes. Other cultures refer to her as Gaia. Once I learned of Pachamama, it felt familiar for me to perceive nature in this way.
Connecting with Pachamama highlights an awareness of the sacred when I think about or appreciate our Earth.
Small moments become more intentional: the stillness of the forest on a hike, the way a coyote watches me from the road, or the frightening engulfment of forest fire smoke piercing a clear blue sky.
Living in the mountains, I felt drawn to be outside more and to take my mindfulness practice with me. Instead of my usual focused breathwork on my sofa, I would hike alone and try to be with my thoughts and take in the beauty around me.
In solitude, surrounded by immense nature, it can be easier to notice the animals. The guides. The messages.
Now that I live in Austin, a city full of endless stimulation and possible distraction, it would seem this connection to nature would not be as easy. But I’ve found, it can be as simple as noticing the bees, or if there are no bees, then the trees – and if no trees, the sky!
Even if it means walking a busier trail or a neighborhood street, I can make a conscious choice to be with my thoughts and focus on what is around.
By choosing to simply notice or listen, there is an opportunity to find wisdom.
After all, it was here in Austin (during my yoga training) that I was told of Pachamama.
I realize now that subconsciously I was listening to this teaching but I had yet to discover how it resonated in my body. Santa Fe was where I was able to discover this instinctual connection to our Earth.
If you allow it, wisdom will follow you wherever you go.
The other day, my sister and I were walking a popular trail in Austin, chatting away, but also pausing to take in the beauty around us – little moments to admire the glistening lake or occasional wildflowers. And just like that, there She is.
I spot an incredible redtail hawk perched on a tree branch. Nevermind, the hustle and bustle of people jogging and walking by. The hawk sits in plain sight, strong and powerful. At least to me, in this moment, Her message feels very simple. It is an unspoken moment of gratitude for each other. A beautiful animal, in Her home, just a few feet away from many people, also in their home.
As if to say, “Thank you for noticing.”
The other night, a friend of mine woke up from a dream about a snake. He told me the story in awe because a few days prior, he had encountered this same snake while mowing his lawn. The little green garden snake had been stuck in the netting of his newly planted grass. My friend had cut the netting and set the snake free, watching as the snake slowly slithered off.
In the dream, the snake had come back to my friend to say thank you. The snake had brought a gift, too.
When I hear this story, I feel gratitude.
My friend chose to save another being on this Earth and the animal spirit came back to him. In gratitude.
To say, “Thank you.”
My friend’s act of kindness and respect didn’t go unnoticed.
Our society talks a lot about kindness and respect to other humans. We are taught it growing up — be kind to your neighbor, treat others how you would like to be treated...
But what about kindness and respect for our Earth? For the animals that we share this Earth with?
I am guilty of forgetting... I live in this fast paced “rat race” too. Distracted and caught up in the hustle. But, every so often I am reminded of these ancient teachings, of animal messengers and Pachamama.
It is usually when I stop and take a moment to look around. To admire the hummingbirds coming to my porch, to drink from the feeder that I put out for them. Or when the worker bees show up on my patio while I sit at my desk...mirroring my same actions, I smile and wonder — are they trying to tell me something?
In these small moments of noticing the nature around, I am reminded to look at myself. How important, really, is this busy work I am doing?
When my friend told me of his dream about the snake, I was deeply inspired. When my sister and I spotted the hawk on our walk, I was in awe. Both moments felt like a jolt out of the business of life to remember.
Remember.
Remember the immense power and beauty that surrounds us. At every moment.
Connecting with nature helps me find the wisdom I seek. I want to know who I am, to learn more about why I am here, why I act the way I do.
So, I choose to watch the world around me. To be aware of what is going on around me. Not just mindlessly go through my day (or my entire life) without awareness.
Noticing, listening, being. Is it that simple?
I am still figuring it out. But it seems this teaching has been there all along, just waiting for me to notice.
Insight 3: Grandfather Wisdom
To be very honest with you, I am afraid. I am afraid of experiencing death. I have yet to experience real death in the present moment. An unexpected death of someone close or witnessing someone die in front of me.
Grandfather Wisdom —
To be very honest with you, I am afraid. I am afraid of experiencing death.
I have yet to experience real death in the present moment. An unexpected death of someone close or witnessing someone die in front of me.
The majority of my experiences with death have been somewhat removed — a close friend losing a parent, a terrible accident of a classmate, my mother’s best friend losing her husband…experiences of grief and loss but through another lense.
When my grandfathers died, I was away at college. We had time to prepare. In their last days, I spoke to them both over the phone. It did not feel scary. They were not afraid… they were only sad to say goodbye.
Even though they are now gone, I still look to my grandfathers for their wisdom.
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve chosen to believe in guardian angels.
I feel some shame writing this…am I silly to believe in something I can’t explain?
I also feel guilt.
Losing someone is difficult and I cannot begin to write about the pain and grief so many others endure with death. Who am I to try and turn this all into a positive story about my grandfathers as angels?
I only hope that by writing this I can share some sort of support or at least open up an honest conversation.
It could be religious teachings or childhood stories, but the idea of a guardian angel has always been something that feels right in my heart. Even when those close to me did not agree.
My father’s father sometimes appears to us in the form of a big red-breasted robin. He comes quickly, in moments unexpected, but he appears confidently and he chooses moments when our family has gathered together — as if to say, “I miss you,” but, “I am enjoying this, too!”
My mother’s father appears with the number 5. Right before his death, they agreed on the number 5 as a way to communicate when he was gone. He also likes to choose his moments. My mom’s flight number to say goodbye to him was #555, and as my sister walked down the aisle, a glance at the clock showed us 5:55pm.
Note: You can hear more of my mother’s conversation about this in Episode One of Dianna’s podcast, Our Stories.
Comfort. Support. Belief.
This is what I feel when trying to describe these special occurrences with my grandfathers after their deaths.
I don’t know what after death looks like. I love the way Eben Alexander explains his near-death experience in Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon's Journey into the Afterlife.
I finished his book on an airplane traveling between two cities…similar maybe to how he “traveled” between what we could consider two cities.
I started to cry.
I felt overwhelmed by his words but also at peace. His experience made me feel that death is nothing to be afraid of. In his words, “death is not the end of personal existence but only a transition.”
At some point, Dr. Alexander just couldn’t rely on the science anymore. He started to rely on the spiritual or the magic or whatever it is we want to call it…
Much like these moments with my grandfathers. We could consider these occurrences with the robin or number 5 as a coincidence or just a nice thought for my family to feel comforted. But isn’t that just it, choosing to believe in something for comfort?
We are taught of Buddha, Jesus, goddesses, and divine beings that guide us and protect us. I have some friends who choose not to believe in any of these spiritual ideas; although, they do choose to believe in something…they believe in love, they believe in comfort, they believe in support.
And when it comes down to it, aren’t these stories and teachings really about instilling faith or love? As a way to find support and comfort from the heartaches of life and death?
I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine about this. He did not believe in God or any gods. Although, he did believe that our societies and countries needed spirituality or religion — that people needed something to believe in.
“Don’t let your religion get in the way of your spirituality,” comes to mind.
I don’t remember where I came across this saying. Maybe it was in a conversation or read in a book, but it has always stuck with me.
I think of Dr. Alexander who so surely believed (and had scientific proof) that the after-life didn’t exist. But, after he returned to his body from a near death experience, at some point, he just couldn’t let the science be the only reasoning anymore.
We often can’t explain these things or why they happen. Maybe we don’t need to. Maybe that’s the interesting part? How lucky we are to have these conversations!
So, why am I afraid of death?
It feels like unknown territory. Childhood stories stick with me: the depictions of a grim reaper, of darkness and evil…
But what I think really scares me is leaving behind those I love and the beauty of life as I know it.
Having these conversations helps lift some of my fear. Talking to others who have suffered great loss. Talking to others who don’t have the same beliefs as me.
Writing this out, I already feel a little less afraid of death.
I didn’t know where to begin with this conversation, so I looked to those with the wisdom. I looked to my grandfathers and what they taught me and continue to teach me.
More wisdom: Dianna shares her favorite recommendations here. Our Stories is also a beautiful project — listening to others talk of death and loss is an eye-opening perspective.
There is so much support and wisdom around. Whether it comes as a red-breasted robin, in a book, or a conversation with a friend. It is up to us to make the choice to listen and to look deeper.
Insight 2: To Want & To Flow
When Dianna first asked me to write about conscious living, I struggled to find the words. Then as any good psychotherapist would, she prompted me with a question: “What is your philosophy on life?”
To Want & To Flow —
When Dianna first asked me to write about conscious living, I struggled to find the words. Then as any good psychotherapist would, she prompted me with a question:
“What is your philosophy on life?”
From there, a thousand words came up and now I try my best to share those words with you.
The other day, I was talking to my sister about the want in life — this constant and consistent want for something — for the next big thing to happen in our lives.
I would say things like,
“When I land this next job… then I will have it all figured out.” Or: “When I have a house of my own and no longer rent… then I will be happy.”
My sister would say, “When I am married… then life will be good.” Or: “When I finish grad school… then I won’t be so stressed out.”
Over a period of time, we noticed how this want dictated how we looked at our day-to-day. It went on and on.
I want this… because when I have this… then everything will be right in my world.
Then,
when,
soon — that’s when I will be happy.
The want showed up consistently. In some ways it drove me to succeed, and in other ways, it was a way for me to avoid looking at how I truly felt.
I had this idea of how the next big life event would bring me the happiness or satisfaction I craved.
Well sure enough, my sister got married and I got the job, but did my life really change that much? Was I drastically all of a sudden happier and more complete?
Yes — exciting change and happiness were involved with these life moments we so longed for. But no — overall, we are still the same. I still find the want showing up for other things.
For me, becoming aware was a crucial part of this on-going need.
Every day, I try to hold myself accountable to this self-awareness with journaling, yoga, or nature…whatever the technique, I try and sit with myself often to work on breaking this on-going cycle of expectation.
This brings me to flow. Awareness helps me realize that the extraordinary flow of life is in every single moment. It’s in the day-to-day moments of working towards the want.
Because if we are not happy in the journey to the goal then why would we be happy when we reach the goal?
There is a beautiful abundance that starts to come when you tap into the flow of life. Instead of just lusting after the want.
The Japanese call it ikagai, the French call it raison d’être.
In other words, it is our purpose or a reason to live.
This purpose can be for people you care about or it may be for the work you do. The cool thing is, your ikagai or purpose in life, can be more than just one thing and it can change.
Right now, I am very focused on my career and relationships, but who’s to say that later my focus could shift to my relationships and having a child (or two)!
Hector García and Francesc Miralles wrote a great book called Ikigai and how to find this type of flow in your life.
They break it down as a combination of what you love, what the world needs, what you are good at, and what you can be paid for.
Finding this “reason to live” is not necessarily easy and it’s a continuous journey of getting knocked off course and choosing to come back to your path. I definitely don’t have it all figured out and probably never will. But now that I am aware, I do know how it feels to find the flow — to find something I love to do, to be with people I love.
I first noticed this idea of flow in moments of joy. The thing I love about joy is how it tries to sneak in all the time.
Joy can be fleeting and consistent. Just like Love and Fear, there is a duality to this emotion.
I find joy in a delicious bite of food, in the Spring rain, a smile from a friend, a song that makes me get up and dance…
When I can’t find joy, one of my favorite practices is to call in gratitude. So when I am not feeling very much in flow with life, I try to shift my perspective to what I already have. This is how I tackle the want when it decides to show up.
An example: I interviewed for a job I desperately wanted and did not get it. That moment of rejection spiraled into: “you are not good enough” and “why are you even doing this?”
My first step out of despair was to go to yoga or be in nature. Those tools help shift my perspective. It was hard to find joy here but I was able to find gratitude. First, gratitude to move my body, to admire the trees, then —gratitude for the opportunity to interview and learn, the courage I had to put myself out there, and the reflection of how far I’ve come.
For me, it is constant work to try to balance the want and flow of life. Moments of joy help me find the flow. Gratitude helps me overcome the want.
The want won’t bring me this ultimatum of happiness but working towards it (in my flow) will. Working towards it and working through it — that’s life!
Insight 1: The Magical Other
The relationship. Our entire life is spent in a relationship. It starts with our relationship with self, next a parent, and then we develop relationships with friends, lovers, colleagues…